On the Experience of Fatherhood

Oh, little Tilia Cohen. She has been with us for four weeks now, and already I forget what my life was like before. I feel like a lot has changed since then, probably the biggest change in my life so far. It is so amazing, such a little package with such a huge impact.

I knew things would be different and my life would change once Tilia was born. But such impacts are impossible to measure before their time. Usually there is a casual optimism that once the time comes you will be able to hold on to most things you had; quiet reading times, movies twice a week, a fabulous meal out whenever you like. And often you can, but sometimes the impact is big enough that these things fall immediately by the way side.

Usually the loss is quite a burden, and you grieve for what you had. But then there are those rare cases that may only come once in your life, and you don't even look back at those things – sure, they were nice but now there is this great new thing. And that is exactly what Tilia is like, as if my head was split open right when she was born and everything came spilling out. But instead of loss there was her, in my head Athena-like and filling the hole where everything else once was.

How could I have expected that being covered in barf would be a joy rather than just tragic? Who would know it would happen that way, or could know? I'm not sure anyone could, but maybe this large set of photos will help take us a step closer.

oroboros on 7/20/2008 9:02:46 PM